Being the Cycle Breaker in My Family

They call it “breaking generational curses” like it’s some kind of crown.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of the healing, the hustling, the work I’ve done to shift the story for myself and my daughters. But can I be real? Being the cycle breaker comes with pressure no one prepares you for.

It’s the pressure of being the one who “made it out,” whatever that means. The one who’s supposed to be strong, wise, grounded, and generous all the time. The one who shows up for everyone else because you can. Because you always do.

It’s the invisible weight of being “the dependable one.” The one who’s always okay, even when you're not.

You become the success story. The one people point to when they talk about how far the family has come. And you love your people, so you carry it. You carry them. You carry it all.

But here’s what no one tells you. When you’re the one who breaks the cycle, people start to expect you to fix everything.

You take on this overachiever, survivor personality just to prove you’re not the statistic they expected. You work twice as hard, say yes when you're tired, and over-give because you know what it’s like to have nothing. And somehow, that turns into people feeling entitled to your energy, your time, your money, your peace.

You become the emergency contact for everybody’s chaos.

And if you set a boundary? Suddenly you’re different. You’re acting funny. You’re forgetting where you came from.

But the truth is, I haven’t forgotten. I remember everything. That’s exactly why I’m so committed to not going back.

I just don’t want to live in survival mode anymore.

I want softness. Ease. Joy that doesn’t come with guilt. I want to take care of myself without feeling selfish for doing so.

Being the cycle breaker isn’t just about what you stop. It’s also about what you learn to receive. Love. Rest. Boundaries. Support. Peace. And maybe most importantly, permission to not always be the strong one.

What I’ve learned is that I don’t owe everyone access to me just because I made it through. They are not entitled to my healing simply because they’ve chosen not to do their own. Some people expect lifelong access because they’ve known you forever, or because you’ve always excused their behavior with, “That’s just how they are.” But that doesn’t make it okay. The strength it took to break the cycle is the same strength I’m now using to choose peace over pressure.

What About You?
If you’ve been the strong one for everyone else, who shows up for you? And how can you start showing up for yourself more?

That Said: You don’t have to keep breaking for the cycle to stay broken. You’re allowed to choose peace now.

Heal & Hustle

~A