Father’s Day Reflections

Healing, Forgiveness, and Honoring the Men Who Showed Up

Father’s Day has always been a complicated one for me. For a long time, I didn’t celebrate it at all. I would think, who would I even be celebrating? Not my father. Not Emma’s. But as I’ve grown, as I’ve done the work to heal and forgive, I see it differently now.

My biological father wasn’t in my life when I was growing up. I remember being that little girl who just wanted a phone call. Who waited, hoping maybe this would be the birthday or the Christmas when he’d show up. I didn’t understand why he didn’t. I didn’t understand that it had nothing to do with me.

It took me years to see that he could only love me to the extent that he loved himself. The truth is, he didn’t have much love for himself. His own childhood was full of struggle. He had demons he never got free from. When I understood that, it helped me forgive him. It helped me heal the part of me that thought his absence was about me, that maybe I wasn’t enough to make him stay.

As an adult, we tried to build something. It wasn’t perfect. We had our ups and downs, and truthfully, we weren’t even speaking when he passed. But I am grateful we tried. When he was in that hospital bed, in a coma, unable to hear me, I still said what I needed to say. I told him I loved him. I told him I forgave him. And I meant it. I told him I hoped that in the next life, he could be my dad again, healthy and whole.

People assume that when a parent hasn’t been present, their death won’t hit as hard. But the grief is real. It’s not just grieving the loss of their life. It’s grieving what never was. Grieving what you will never get to know or experience. And that kind of grief stays with you.

But today, I can’t talk about Father’s Day without talking about my grandfather. The man who showed me unconditional love. The man who prayed for me so fiercely that I know his prayers still cover me today. The man whose Old Spice cologne I smelled in the store this morning and felt an ache of nostalgia so deep, it stopped me in my tracks. He was such a beautiful human being. A man who loved quietly but deeply. Who showed up in ways that mattered. Who saw me when I didn’t even know how to see myself. His love shaped me, and his memory still guides me.

Today, I see Father’s Day as a chance to honor all of the men who showed up. My grandfather. My stepdad, who will always be my stepdad no matter how long it has been since he and my mom parted ways. My mom’s ex-boyfriend who, to this day, is still a steady part of my life. My friend’s dad, who we recently lost, but who treated me like I was one of his own. And my friends, the men I see showing up every day for their kids and their families, breaking cycles, leading with love, and setting a new example.

And today, I honor my father too. He will always be my father. No matter the distance, no matter the struggle, he is part of me. So today, I say Happy Father’s Day in Heaven. I hope you have found peace.

That Said: No matter what your relationship has been with your father or father figures, you can choose your own path forward. You can choose to break cycles. You can choose to heal. You can choose to build something new. And that choice is yours every single day.

Heal & Hustle
~A