Learning Myself, Loving Myself… Without Apology

There was a time when I knew exactly what everyone expected of me, but I had no idea what I expected from myself.

I knew how to show up. I knew how to smile when I was crumbling. I knew how to pour into people who didn’t pour back. What I didn’t know was who I really was when nobody needed anything from me.

For years, I was strong because I had to be. I was everything for everyone else. The one who held it down. The one who fixed it. The one who didn’t break, even when she bled.

But knowing me? That took work. Real work. Uncomfortable work. Not the kind that earns applause, but the kind that forces you to face yourself.

Learning myself meant realizing that not everything I carried was mine. That some of the beliefs I had weren’t mine either. That I had spent years liking things I didn’t even enjoy because they made other people comfortable. That I had built an identity around being needed and had no idea who I was when I wasn’t being useful.

Loving myself meant releasing people who once felt permanent. Saying no without guilt. Choosing peace over performance. Letting go of the idea that I had to explain or justify my boundaries to anybody.

I don’t love myself in theory. I love myself in practice. That means resting without shame. Choosing myself without hesitation. Laughing too loud. Saying what I mean. Letting the phone ring. Taking up space without waiting for permission.

Let me give you an example. I had just started talking to this man, and from the very beginning, something felt off. Every conversation annoyed me. He thought he was slick, tried to sound deep, but honestly came across as anything but. I spotted the manipulation quick. The old me might’ve stuck around out of curiosity, boredom, or that old habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt. But this time, the red flag wasn’t a challenge. It was a reminder to exit early. After a rude hang-up followed by five days of silence, he had the nerve to call me again. I didn’t answer. No explanation. No text. No back and forth. Just a healed woman who knows her peace is too expensive to entertain nonsense. And I slept just fine.

I had to learn that my softness is not a weakness. That my strength was never meant to be a full-time job. That I don’t have to earn love through suffering. And that if I don’t check in with myself, no one else will.

Yes, I still love hard. I still show up for my people. I still hold space when it matters.But I’m no longer overextending just to feel valuable.

Now I know I’m allowed to want more than survival. I’m allowed to want joy. Play. Freedom. Rest. A good playlist and better boundaries. I’m allowed to want things just because they make me feel alive.

This version of me doesn’t ask for permission to exist. She doesn’t beg for closeness. She doesn’t shrink to stay safe. She’s learning herself and loving herself without apology.

What About You?What’s one part of yourself you’re learning to love out loud, without guilt or explanation?

That Said: The most sacred relationship you’ll ever have is the one you build with yourself. Make it honest. Make it loud. Make it yours.

Heal & Hustle

~A