Stop Shrinking: You’re Not Too Much, They’re Just Not Enough

A reflection on learning to take up space, even while you're still figuring it out

I’ve spent a lot of my life unsure if I was saying too much or not saying enough. Speaking up and then overthinking it. Staying quiet and wishing I hadn’t. Some days I’m bold, other days I retreat and honestly? I’m still learning what feels right.

That’s where I’ve been lately. Caught in the tension of wanting to be fully seen, but not always knowing how. I’m still trying to find the balance between showing up and shutting down, and to be honest, I get embarrassed that I haven’t mastered it yet. At 44, I thought I’d have this part figured out. But healing doesn’t come with a timeline, and growing into yourself isn’t something you graduate from.

There were years where I constantly shrunk myself. I made myself smaller in rooms where I didn’t feel safe. I tiptoed around other people’s comfort, apologized before I did anything wrong, and kept my voice down even when I should’ve spoken up. I let people mislabel me, misunderstand me, and make me question who I really was.

Now? I’m trying something different.

I still have days where I second-guess myself. I still overthink what I say. I still feel the urge to downplay my emotions, my power, or my accomplishments just to avoid making anyone else uncomfortable.

But I’m learning that shrinking doesn’t serve me.

I’m learning that people who are for me won’t be intimidated by my truth. They won’t try to dilute my personality or silence my voice. And if someone ever tells me I’m too much, I now understand that what they really mean is, “You don’t fit in the box I created for you.”

And I’m okay with that. I’m not built to fit into anyone’s box.

This season of my life isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room or having all the answers. It’s about choosing to be honest. Choosing to be present. Choosing to be seen, even when it feels awkward or uncomfortable. It’s about refusing to go back to a version of me that made other people feel better but left me feeling invisible.

I may still be figuring out how to use my voice, when to walk away, and how to stand tall without hardening my heart. But every time I speak up, every time I stay true to who I am, it gets easier.

And that, to me, is growth.

What About You?Have you ever caught yourself shrinking just to be more digestible to others? What would happen if you stopped apologizing for taking up space?

That Said: I may not have it all figured out, but I know I’m not here to stay small. And this time, I’m taking up all the space that’s already mine.

Heal & Hustle

~A